Dentists’ Coaching Lesson (Success vs Anger)
I have come across dentists who are not enjoying the success that they want in their business and personal life and cannot figure out why. As it often turns out they have deep-seated anger and may or may not be aware of it. This coaching lesson may not apply to everyone, but for those that have long-standing anger, these thoughts may prove insightful and powerful.
Anger at others is often rooted in anger at oneself.
This is true if we’ll just probe deeper and more honestly. Anger at oneself is being unforgiving of oneself. Forgive ourselves first and then, and only then, can we forgive others. But how do we forgive ourselves? We start by loving ourselves, by being pleased with whom we are, by not chastising ourselves for perceived mistakes made in the past, by acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes, and acknowledging that we are/were doing the best we can and that a happy successful life is not a game of perfect (to twist a book title by Bob Rotella.)
And while it might seem impossible to immediately switch to loving oneself and forgiving oneself for having made such bad decisions and choices in the past, it can be done.
Most people have a belief that if they “have” certain things like money, then, of course, they will “do ” (and feel) the “right” things and then they’ll “be” happy. In fact that’s not how your subconscious mind works. I have a psychologist friend who sees in her practice youngish dot-com millionaire patients, both husband and wife, who come to see her for counseling and therapy. Having money doesn’t make you happy.
You start with happy.
I recently attended a talk by Steve Chandler, renowned business coach, who expressed the thought that most little kids are truly happy from the inside-out. That is, until they’re conditioned by well-meaning (but clueless) parents that they must rely on someone else or something external to make them happy. Little girls are more susceptible than boys because “maybe your Prince Charming” will come, sweep you away, and then you’ll be happy. So we were born with happy within ourselves. But we lost that and now many of us believe that we must “have” first in order to “be” happy. As Neale Donald Walsch said in Conversations with God: “…havingness does not produce beingness, but the other way around.”
So how do you make yourself happy?
BE-DO-HAVE is the way to change.
There have been many trials and examples (like the basketball shooting trial cited by Maxwell Maltz (in Psycho-Cybernetics ) that prove that your subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between real and imagined events. So first, imagine yourself being happy, over and over and over again. Then act as if you are happy and do the things that happy people do. Each night find five (different) things that acknowledge that you have abundance in your life to be grateful for and to be happy about. Soon you will have the rewards that happy people enjoy. So, instead of “Have-Do-Be,” shift your paradigm and begin with “Be-Do-Have.”
You might appreciate knowing that angry energy directed toward others or at oneself is energy that cannot be used in a positive way. Life should not be difficult; life is about positive energy and joy. Be gentle with yourself and be pleased with whom you are. Act from your loving heart, not from your critical mind. More success will come your way.